a keyboard, a second-grade education, and a powerful sense of entitlement
The 2003 lists are starting to come out - here's The 100 Most Annoying Things Of 2003, and here are The 101 Dumbest Moments in Business.
Be sure and vote for Sugarmama's Montana story at BlogMadness 2003. She deserves to win her bracket. Don't take my word for it - go read it yourself.
JETT UPDATE - I got an e-mail from the beloved ubermistress of ABUANTG (pronounced ah-BOO-tang) informing me that the makeover is still in progress. She has a "designer" - I'm as jealous as Britney Spears stumbling across a Newlyweds marathon on MTV! Anyhoo, I've been filling the void left in my life by ABUANTG's absence by working on a remix of my country rendition of My Heart, as well as a lounge version for all you martini freaks. Stay strong!
In the News:
First the Muppet show ends and now this. The Swedish Chef is having problems holding down a steady gig.
Boys are stupid. I'd argue that stupid people are stupid, but guys like this keep reinforcing the stereotype.
The winters must be really long and cold in Sweden, I can't think of any other reason for this. I always thought it was full of beautiful blonde people. Maybe we need to send all the frat boys to Sweden.
First the Muppet show ends and now this. The Swedish Chef is having problems holding down a steady gig.
Boys are stupid. I'd argue that stupid people are stupid, but guys like this keep reinforcing the stereotype.
The winters must be really long and cold in Sweden, I can't think of any other reason for this. I always thought it was full of beautiful blonde people. Maybe we need to send all the frat boys to Sweden.
Rants & Raves got a nice makeover, and it looks good! It's also educational - I now know what a whale tail is. I had always wondered what to call that.
Kevin from Wizbangblog was in Virginia recently and saw one of the cool new PETA signs that they're putting up everywhere that people will let them (which is limited to Virginia so far I think). The management of Hard Times stands by our previous statement.
You know your luck has run out when you ask a woman out and she checks you out on Google, discovering that you're a wanted man. Next stop, jail.
James Brown has entered the scary celebrity mugshot competition with a strong entry. The entire collection, including Andre the Giant(!), is here.
Wired Magazine has a very interesting article about the current "trend" of outsourcing programming and call center jobs to India. I saw this firsthand in Charlotte - the big banks put a lot of American IT people out on the street over the last 3 or 4 years, and sent those jobs overseas. The gist of the article is that this is inevitable progress, another wave of change similar to the ones that washed away the agricultural and manufacturing eras. However, that really doesn't mean a lot to you if you're one of the jobless people. Keep learning and stay flexible, that's about all you can do. And follow the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita - "Do what you're supposed to do. And don't worry about the fruits. They'll come on their own." There's only one problem. Could someone please tell me what I'm supposed to do?
Stole this cool idea from Sugarmama (who stole it from someone else). All the bold states are ones I've actually visited, and the ones that are bold and italic are places I lived for more than 3 months:
1) Alabama 2) Alaska 3) Arizona 4) Arkansas 5) California 6) Colorado 7) Connecticut 8) Delaware 9) Florida 10) Georgia 11) Hawaii 12) Idaho 13) Illinois 14) Indiana 15) Iowa 16) Kansas 17) Kentucky 18) Louisiana 19) Maine 20) Maryland 21) Massachusetts 22) Michigan 23) Minnesota 24) Mississippi 25) Missouri 26) Montana 27) Nebraska 28) Nevada 29) New Hampshire 30) New Jersey 31) New Mexico 32) New York 33) North Carolina 34) North Dakota 35) Ohio 36) Oklahoma 37) Oregon 38) Pennsylvania 39) Rhode Island 40) South Carolina 41) South Dakota 42) Tennessee 43) Texas 44) Utah 45) Vermont 46) Virginia 47) Washington 48) West Virginia 49) Wisconsin 50) Wyoming and 51) DC
Places outside the U.S. -
Ireland, Scotland, England, France, Belgium, Bahamas, Puerto Rico, Italy, Cuba, Barbados, US Virgin Islands, Brazil, British Columbia, Panama, Ontario, Hong Kong, People's Republic of China, Japan, Cayman Islands
Holy crap, until I laid it out like that, I didn't realize how many places I've been (and lived). I still have eleven states to go, though. Part of it came from being in the Navy, and the rest are places my various jobs have sent me. Australia's about the only place I haven't been that I'd like to visit, although I'd like to re-visit Scotland one day.
1) Alabama 2) Alaska 3) Arizona 4) Arkansas 5) California 6) Colorado 7) Connecticut 8) Delaware 9) Florida 10) Georgia 11) Hawaii 12) Idaho 13) Illinois 14) Indiana 15) Iowa 16) Kansas 17) Kentucky 18) Louisiana 19) Maine 20) Maryland 21) Massachusetts 22) Michigan 23) Minnesota 24) Mississippi 25) Missouri 26) Montana 27) Nebraska 28) Nevada 29) New Hampshire 30) New Jersey 31) New Mexico 32) New York 33) North Carolina 34) North Dakota 35) Ohio 36) Oklahoma 37) Oregon 38) Pennsylvania 39) Rhode Island 40) South Carolina 41) South Dakota 42) Tennessee 43) Texas 44) Utah 45) Vermont 46) Virginia 47) Washington 48) West Virginia 49) Wisconsin 50) Wyoming and 51) DC
Places outside the U.S. -
Ireland, Scotland, England, France, Belgium, Bahamas, Puerto Rico, Italy, Cuba, Barbados, US Virgin Islands, Brazil, British Columbia, Panama, Ontario, Hong Kong, People's Republic of China, Japan, Cayman Islands
Holy crap, until I laid it out like that, I didn't realize how many places I've been (and lived). I still have eleven states to go, though. Part of it came from being in the Navy, and the rest are places my various jobs have sent me. Australia's about the only place I haven't been that I'd like to visit, although I'd like to re-visit Scotland one day.
Miz Jett is on my list this week for taking her site down while she redoes it. The worst part is that before it poofed, she started this contest where you record a song she wrote and send it to her for fame and prizes. Well, I can't get to the lyrics now, and I already had the studio and the orchestra booked! I'm thinking some gratuitous apology sex is called for, or at least some major groveling. Somehow I don't see that happening though.
UPDATE: Jett's page is back up - well, the lyrics are there. And I'm the only link on her site now. Ain't I special?
UPDATE: Jett's page is back up - well, the lyrics are there. And I'm the only link on her site now. Ain't I special?
I will probably be taking a few days off soon to work on a new project, and one of the things I need is a place to put a new weblog. Hard Times is on BlogSpot Plus, but they aren't signing up new accounts at the moment, and regular BlogSpot has ads and no images. What I'm looking for is the cheapest no-ad place to put a low-bandwidth site. Any ideas? Testify!
Floppy shoes, limber women, and eight dollar snowcones...yes I went to the circus Saturday and it was soooo cool. It truly is the Greatest Show on Earth. The ringmaster cracked me up with his sparkly suit and his cheesy voice. I don't know about y'all, but there's just something about a woman riding an elephant that gets to me.
Diversionz linked to a couple of interesting food-related articles last week:
Filmmaker eats nothing but McDonald's for a month, wrecks his health. It's not really surprising, but it's amazing just how bad for you the stuff is.
Diane Patterson, who attends Northwestern University, was offended because the school honored Martin Luther King, Jr. by serving fried chicken, cornbread, and collard greens in the cafeteria (second letter). She referred to them as "sterotypically black foods". I've got news for you, Diane - those are not "black" foods, they're "southern" foods. My father is a white man who grew up eating collards, turnips, and cornbread crumbled up in buttermilk. Fried chicken was something reserved for Sunday dinners. Your color didn't determine what you had to eat, your economic status did. Since you seem to be looking for a fight, Diane, maybe you should picket the cafeteria if they serve corned beef and cabbage for Saint Patrick's Day...yet another narrow-minded cafeteria "tragedy".
Filmmaker eats nothing but McDonald's for a month, wrecks his health. It's not really surprising, but it's amazing just how bad for you the stuff is.
Diane Patterson, who attends Northwestern University, was offended because the school honored Martin Luther King, Jr. by serving fried chicken, cornbread, and collard greens in the cafeteria (second letter). She referred to them as "sterotypically black foods". I've got news for you, Diane - those are not "black" foods, they're "southern" foods. My father is a white man who grew up eating collards, turnips, and cornbread crumbled up in buttermilk. Fried chicken was something reserved for Sunday dinners. Your color didn't determine what you had to eat, your economic status did. Since you seem to be looking for a fight, Diane, maybe you should picket the cafeteria if they serve corned beef and cabbage for Saint Patrick's Day...yet another narrow-minded cafeteria "tragedy".
Captain Kangaroo died today. Thinking back to that show and that time brings back a ton of good memories. And no, Mr. Green Jeans was not Frank Zappa's dad.
Nekkid hiker guy reaches his journey's end. Man, it's cold in Scotland this time of year. He probably should've started up there in the summer and hiked south.
Had fun with the Birmingham Webloggers at the On Tap Entertainment and Beer Guzzling Complex last night. Unfortunately the non-disclosure agreement I was forced to sign prevents me from saying too much, and my pictures were confiscated before I was allowed to leave. I can tell you that we did have record attendance (without even counting the two people who were there that we didn't know were there). Beyond that, I can neither confirm nor deny any rumors that you might hear about burping contests, table dances, underwear swapping, or body shots.
Write it down, the Panthers are gonna win the Super Bowl. They are this year's team of destiny. I know it, the psychic beagles at Diversionz know it, Warren Sapp knows it. All it took was me moving out of Charlotte before the season started, dragging my little black cloud back to Alabammy.
Nothing good to post today, see you tonight at the On Tap in Lakeview. I hear Sheryl Crow's gonna be there.
Google not getting you the porn you need? Just Booble for it. Then say "Please God, help me cleanse the computer of viruses and evil photographs which disturb and ruin my work..., so that I shall be able to cleanse myself (of sin)".
Some poor saps are trying to bring canned haggis to the USA. What's a haggis, you ask? Well the Scottish tourism people would like for you to think it's this cute little animal that lives in the highlands. What it actually is is a sheep's stomach, filled with ground up sheep organs, oatmeal, and suet, then boiled. Even Scottish people try not to eat it too often, but if you insist, have some this Sunday night, which is Burns Night. How do I know all this Scottish stuff? Well, I lived there a couple of years, and my mother was a McEwen. Remember, if it's not Scottish, it's CRAP! Unless we're talking haggis, that stuff is crap too.
I reported last fall about the theft of the Half Life 2 code from Valve. Last week the FBI rounded up some programmers in California for questioning and confiscated their computers. Some people are now accusing Valve of lying about the theft as an excuse for missing the Christmas '03 release of HL2 (HL2 and Team Fortress 2 were both recognized in the 2003 Vaporware Awards). In a kind of related but not really article (CounterStrike is a Half Life mod), Firing Squad has a rant about what we already know, sniper rifles are for weenies.
Last night's searches:
"round me up a big butt nugget" - try using that in a sentence
"chicharrones carbs" - keep searching, pal, there aren't any there
"round me up a big butt nugget" - try using that in a sentence
"chicharrones carbs" - keep searching, pal, there aren't any there
Scottish police get extremely politically correct - "the word 'homosexual' should also be avoided because it is derogatory". I thought that was the word you were supposed to use. What are they gonna call them? Poofter? Fag? Nancy boy? It's gotten very confusing.
Ava's Man, Part One
I just finished reading Ava's Man by Rick Bragg. It's the story of Bragg's maternal grandparents, Charlie and Ava Bundrum, who raised a family while bouncing all over the Alabama-Georgia line during the 30's and 40's. I really enjoyed the book, primarily because so much of the stuff in it is familiar to me. I'm only a couple of years younger than Bragg, so our grandparents were part of the same generation. It was a different time back then, and this book takes us there with stories that run the gamut, from hilarious to heartbreaking.
Charlie supported his family by working as a roofer, traveling to wherever the work was. He supplemented this income by hunting, fishing, and cooking a little moonshine on the side. My father's father was a carpenter, and even though he didn't make any moonshine (that I know of), I know that he lived the way Charlie lived, doing backbreaking work all your life for just enough money to get by. Leaving nothing to your children but a few well-worn tools, and the character to move a few more rungs up the ladder when the prosperity of the 50's came along. The hard times of the Depression broke a lot of men, but it also created a lot of diamonds, forged in the flames of hardship and want. I'd like to think a little of what those men had was passed down to me, but I know it's been diluted by the years. Those lean times are just something in a history book to me. Ava's Man brought that time to life, and made it seem more real. Rick, on the off chance that you ever read this, I want to buy you a drink (or a steak) next time you're in Birmingham.
I just finished reading Ava's Man by Rick Bragg. It's the story of Bragg's maternal grandparents, Charlie and Ava Bundrum, who raised a family while bouncing all over the Alabama-Georgia line during the 30's and 40's. I really enjoyed the book, primarily because so much of the stuff in it is familiar to me. I'm only a couple of years younger than Bragg, so our grandparents were part of the same generation. It was a different time back then, and this book takes us there with stories that run the gamut, from hilarious to heartbreaking.
Charlie supported his family by working as a roofer, traveling to wherever the work was. He supplemented this income by hunting, fishing, and cooking a little moonshine on the side. My father's father was a carpenter, and even though he didn't make any moonshine (that I know of), I know that he lived the way Charlie lived, doing backbreaking work all your life for just enough money to get by. Leaving nothing to your children but a few well-worn tools, and the character to move a few more rungs up the ladder when the prosperity of the 50's came along. The hard times of the Depression broke a lot of men, but it also created a lot of diamonds, forged in the flames of hardship and want. I'd like to think a little of what those men had was passed down to me, but I know it's been diluted by the years. Those lean times are just something in a history book to me. Ava's Man brought that time to life, and made it seem more real. Rick, on the off chance that you ever read this, I want to buy you a drink (or a steak) next time you're in Birmingham.
"A few years ago, I never would have thought that a 24-year-old gay man could have a chance in the world of music." Apparently, no one told Jai from Queer Eye about Elton John, Freddie Mercury, or Justin Timberlake.
Soccer chief says women footballers need tighter shorts. Hear, hear! Those shorts the volleyball women wear are AWESOME!
Mookie's linked to a list of the 100 Best Novels. I've read 13 on the board's list and 20 on the reader's list, so I guess I'm behind. And of the ones I read, I liked the ones on the reader's list better. The two that stand out for me are The World According to Garp (awesome book) and The Hunt For Red October (I was riding around in a submarine when that one came out). I also liked Watership Down by Richard Adams, but thought that his Shardik was a better book, it was an amazing story.
I've come up with a motto for my last 15 years - "Uncertainty is the Spice of Life". So are frivolity, variety, insanity, Lawrys Seasoned Salt, and Scary. During my research, I finally found that naked Spice Girls pic you've all been looking for. Just be advised that they "need cleaning" and "smell like they've been exposed to smoke".
Photos in the news:
Despite all his recent troubles, Michael Jackson has some serious competition in the "rich freak" category.
Speaking of competition, I pity the poor porn stars, who have a hard time keeping up with Paris and Britney when it comes to looking slutty. Or acting slutty, for that matter.
Despite all his recent troubles, Michael Jackson has some serious competition in the "rich freak" category.
Speaking of competition, I pity the poor porn stars, who have a hard time keeping up with Paris and Britney when it comes to looking slutty. Or acting slutty, for that matter.
I had a big long serious post that I was gonna start today (it's so big it needs multiple parts!), but then I stopped and wondered if I really want to get off into big serious post territory. I'm more of a nugget guy. And don't worry, the post wasn't anything spicy or revealing - just my opinion on some things. I may get around to it later...I'm just not in the habit of posting things here that take more than 5 minutes to pop out, and I like to keep it light.
Todays funny Google hit - "do gay people like sponge bob". Well, duh, everyone likes SpongeBob! That's like asking "do gay people like breathing".
I really need a haircut. I'm on the verge of looking like James Traficant, it's that bad. I called Mr. Sugarmama's place Saturday, but they were way on the other side of town from me, so I blew it off. I gotta do something soon, though - I have lots of important social events to attend in the next few weeks (yeah, right).
The Sneeze is covering one of the funnier 80's movies you probably never saw, Better Off Dead. The first interview is with the guy who played Ricky, the dorky neighbor. There are a ton of classic scenes in that movie...my sister and I still yell "TWO - DOLLARS" at each other regularly. But we're weird like that. Check it out if you haven't seen it, it beats the pants off of Cusack's "big" 80's movie, Say Anything, which was too sappy for me.
3 Bruces is back! Well, they were never really gone, but there seem to be more updates lately. Maybe someone made a resolution. Check it out, funny stuff!
The tentative date for Bham Blogger Meetup Part Deux is Thursday, January 22nd, and the tentative place is On Tap in Lakeview. If you're in the Birmingham area, or just want to fly in for the evening, come on down! Mark your calendars, I'll post more details as they become available.
My new dentist has a nice rack.
It really takes the trauma out of getting a filling. It's nothing sexual, it's just that having a set of bosoms hovering inches from your face while you lie flat on your back is at the same time calming and reassuring. It's like you're a little kid, back in mama's lap. And I'm not even a boob man. Don't misunderstand - I like them - I'm just not picky about them, I like all of them. But my quest is for the perfect booty, the awesome hiney, the brilliant backside. The most awesome hooters in the world can't stir me the way that a slightly above-average derriere does. And nothing can set my neurons misfiring like a nice, round, curvy bottom. It's been that way as long as I remember. If you don't understand it, I can't explain it to you. But you know what I mean. You've got a trigger too, and you know what sets it off. Share with the group, this is the big ole anonymous internet.
It really takes the trauma out of getting a filling. It's nothing sexual, it's just that having a set of bosoms hovering inches from your face while you lie flat on your back is at the same time calming and reassuring. It's like you're a little kid, back in mama's lap. And I'm not even a boob man. Don't misunderstand - I like them - I'm just not picky about them, I like all of them. But my quest is for the perfect booty, the awesome hiney, the brilliant backside. The most awesome hooters in the world can't stir me the way that a slightly above-average derriere does. And nothing can set my neurons misfiring like a nice, round, curvy bottom. It's been that way as long as I remember. If you don't understand it, I can't explain it to you. But you know what I mean. You've got a trigger too, and you know what sets it off. Share with the group, this is the big ole anonymous internet.
From the "Does Size Really Matter?" department:
Apparently the Indonesians who claimed to have the world's longest snake overestimated it's length by, oh, 28 feet or so. Naturally, they blamed it on shrinkage.
And speaking of shrinkage, Diversionz linked to some news video from Dallas that did wonders for my self esteem. This one isn't really safe for work, because you'll probably be laughing really hard, and someone might want to see what you're giggling about.
Apparently the Indonesians who claimed to have the world's longest snake overestimated it's length by, oh, 28 feet or so. Naturally, they blamed it on shrinkage.
And speaking of shrinkage, Diversionz linked to some news video from Dallas that did wonders for my self esteem. This one isn't really safe for work, because you'll probably be laughing really hard, and someone might want to see what you're giggling about.
As some of you already know, I did the Amazing Chicken Wing Diet back in the fall of 2002. It worked really well for me, but eventually I got bored with it and went back to my carb-scarfing ways. I've never considered myself much of a trendsetter, and I was pretty sure every one had done the low-carb thing already, but apparently they haven't. Not judging by all the new commercials I've seen since the holidays. Subway and Ruby Tuesday, among others, have jumped on the bandwagon. I guess it's New Year's resolution marketing.
I had lunch yesterday at the Ruby Tuesday in Columbia, Tennessee and noticed they had new low-carb menu items. Among the side dishes was "Creamy Mashed Cauliflower". I wasn't hungry enough to try it - if you have, let me know how it was. Another notable one was "BBQ Pork Crisps", aka pork skins or pork rinds. That's the beauty of the diet, deep fried pork fat is perfectly legal! Hunker down on a king-size bag of chicharrones, they have ZERO CARBS! The things I ate the most while I was doing the diet were buffalo wings, salad, that pre-cooked and seasoned sliced chicken breast in a bag, olives, cheese, pork skins, and fajitas. If you're trying to diet off all that Christmas candy, I salute you, and wish you good luck. All you skinny people *cough*sugarmama*cough* can kiss my big ole butt.
I had lunch yesterday at the Ruby Tuesday in Columbia, Tennessee and noticed they had new low-carb menu items. Among the side dishes was "Creamy Mashed Cauliflower". I wasn't hungry enough to try it - if you have, let me know how it was. Another notable one was "BBQ Pork Crisps", aka pork skins or pork rinds. That's the beauty of the diet, deep fried pork fat is perfectly legal! Hunker down on a king-size bag of chicharrones, they have ZERO CARBS! The things I ate the most while I was doing the diet were buffalo wings, salad, that pre-cooked and seasoned sliced chicken breast in a bag, olives, cheese, pork skins, and fajitas. If you're trying to diet off all that Christmas candy, I salute you, and wish you good luck. All you skinny people *cough*sugarmama*cough* can kiss my big ole butt.
I had a pretty cool New Year's - went up to Nashville for the Music City Bowl. They have a nice stadium up there, and Auburn won! War Damn Eagle! Rang in the New Year at the Gaylord Opryland hotel, drinking in Findlay's pub with the Wisconsin fans (and a few players). I found out that it's the largest hotel in the world without a casino, almost 2900 rooms and a pretty amazing place - the Christmas decorations were awesome. I'll start off this year the same way I began 2003, hoping for a year that sucks less than the last one.
Mac at War Liberal confirms what anyone who's been to a local Wal-Mart already knows, Alabama has lots of fat people. The flip side of that bad news is that we have lots and lots of good places to eat, and most of us have mamas who know how to cook. My mama's family got together Saturday at my parents' house, and a conservative estimate of the total calories laid out would be in the billions. There could have been more fried stuff, though. Just a suggestion.
America's favorite hoochie decides her ratings are slipping, marries....Jason Alexander? She married Costanza? Good news for bald guys! (got the pic here - thanks, Mookie!)
