4/02/2004 02:24:00 PM|||Skillzy|||

No posts today, working on something big. Check back Sunday or Monday! And have a great Vulcan weekend!

|||108093779668544619|||4/01/2004 03:58:00 PM|||Skillzy|||Swift. Silent. Deadly.

Frank at IMAO is collecting military humor, and today he posted some stuff about submariners. Unflattering stuff. I will take it upon myself to defend the honor of steely-eyed killers of the deep everywhere (Jimmy Carter excluded):


- called bubbleheads
This is true, all the other sailors were jealous of our year round "Goth tans".

- are deathly afraid of women (hence no women on submarines)
Firstly, if you hung out with the women we did, you'd be scared of them too. Secondly, our fears usually went away after the fifth or sixth beer.

- wear sneakers instead of uniform shoes
Another truth, I had the coolest pair of orange Chuck Taylors that I wore when we were underway.

- are deathly afraid of any loud noise
Is liking your peace and quiet a bad thing? We were locked underwater, in a pipe, with a nuclear reactor and torpedoes! I'll never forget my first time underway when we operated a torpedo tube - the whole boat shook and there was a huge noise from venting compressed air - it was one of the three times on the boat that I was sure I was gonna die...

- listen to whales for fun
WRONG WRONG WRONG! This was only the wimpy sonar techs, part of the Men Up Forward (MUFs). in the engine room, we breathed steam and listened to the whir of the motors and turbines. And said "WHAT?!?!" a lot.

The second part, about sleeping on a shelf, etc. is pretty accurate I'm afraid. Here's a glossary of some of the terms used there:

non-qual - a newbie, someone not qualified to do anything useful. Also called nub, as in "Stupid nub, breathin my air and drinkin my water and watchin movies instead of standing a watch."

rack - where you slept....like a bed, only smaller. Actually, more like a coffin with one side missing. Usually found stacked 3 high. Tall guys had it rough.

lube oil - used in turbines, not for anal sex. All those gay rumors are untrue, although I knew a few guys who said they were gay to get out of the Navy. Convenient loophole there.

sound shorts - in the silent service, any noise that was transmitted into the water was a problem. All machinery was isolated from the hull by flexible mounts. A sound short occured when a piece of metal created a path to the hull from a piece of equipment, letting the noise out and making you easily detected. The sonar weenies would wet themselves over sound shorts and dropped wrenches.

stowed for sea/Emergency Deep - on ships, you don't want things flying around when you get tossed around by waves. Being stowed for sea means everything is tied down or put away securely. This is especially true on submarines, where you get steep up and down angles in addition to the side to side motion. Emergency Deep occurs when you're running close to the surface and the Officer of the Deck looks out the periscope and sees, oh, lets say a Japanese fishing boat - "Oh, shit, EMERGENCY DEEP!". You go to max speed and max down angle, which is a lot. Anything not stowed for sea will fly around and roll forward, making noise and upsetting the sonar weenies.

So now you're a little more up to speed on the rare breed that stood toe to toe with the Russky menace for so many years, allowing you to go to school and work safe and comfy. If you happen to run into one of us in a social setting, buy us a drink and show your appreciation. And please avoid making any loud noises. And please pretend not to notice the twitchiness and the frequent glances upward.|||108085670268252846|||4/01/2004 06:01:00 AM|||Skillzy|||
Happy Birthday Dear Jett,
Happy Birthday Dear Jett,
Bring your blog back, cause we miss you,
Happy Birthday Dear Jett!

Have a great Vulcan birthday, darlin!

pee ess - Happy April Fool's Day too!|||108082098613841330|||4/01/2004 05:59:00 AM|||Skillzy|||This list has a huge omission - Patrick Starfish from Sponge Bob is a bigger pothead than Shaggy any day. Link stolen from Diversionz.|||108082077409722220|||3/31/2004 07:58:00 PM|||Skillzy|||If this is true, I'll be telling Yahoo to kiss my ass real soon. Then I'll transfer 2 accounts worth of e-mail to my new address, and still have 995 MB of space left.

UPDATE: If this is an April Fool's Joke, I'll be telling Google to kiss my ass real soon.|||108078469951732340|||3/31/2004 05:35:00 PM|||Skillzy|||Mac blogged this first, the University of Alabama has pulled a move that's sure to make the Commissar smile. They've decided that Sylvester Croom, one of Alabama's former players, no longer exists because he took a coaching job at Mississippi State, and have started revising history. What's especially ironic is that Alabama had a chance to hire Croom last year, but passed him over for pretty boy Mike Shula. Hmm, Pat Sullivan coached at TCU, why didn't Auburn rip all his pictures down?|||108077615385747314|||3/31/2004 03:31:00 PM|||Skillzy|||Aw, come on guys, I was just trying to sell books and hear myself talk, I didn't want it to get all political and shit. Man, oh man, the blogosphere is gonna be all over this in an hour or two.|||108076870771533871|||3/31/2004 07:52:00 AM|||Skillzy|||Janet didn't show her boobie to sell albums. No, really. Personally, I wasn't gonna buy it either way - I can proudly say I've never bought an album by any of the Jacksons, I haven't even illegally downloaded any of their crap. And I'm not buying any Clay or Ruben either... I'm saving all my CD-buying money for the real American Idol. I mean come on, it's got Hotel California on it! |||108074181260728454|||3/31/2004 07:52:00 AM|||Skillzy|||Is this article good news for Rubies or bad news for Sugarmama? You decide.|||108074112794892329|||3/30/2004 10:06:00 PM|||Skillzy|||Hmm, it looks like Jett isn't the only one having trouble with web plagiarists. NewsForge mentions a recent article of theirs that was lifted numerous times, and some sites have even resorted to blocking referrals from competitor's sites. It would seem to me that a link to a story, regardless of the link location, is a good thing that can direct more traffic to your site, where your advertisements are. My plan is to run all future stuff that I steal through the Universal Translator to cover my tracks. Fo shizzle.|||108070598254674123|||3/30/2004 05:21:00 AM|||Skillzy|||Blogging this morning from Knoxville, home of InstaPundit and the University of Tennessee Big Orange. I will refrain from picking on UT since they were kind enough to come to Auburn and lose last fall, one of the few high points in a season to forget. I should be back home tonight.|||108064618213616924|||3/30/2004 05:21:00 AM|||Skillzy|||China blocks Typepad sites, and BlogSpot too. There are a few ways around it - when I was over there, I was making long distance calls to Japan to get online (thanks, big fat corporation that paid for that!). Things will loosen up over there as time goes on, but it may be a while.|||108064571551926460|||3/28/2004 04:24:00 PM|||Skillzy|||Like Kryptonite to Skillzy

At the risk of empowering my many enemies, here's a quick list of things that I am unable to resist, things that hold me under their spell so strongly that I lose all control around them:

Barbecue Potato Chips - the old-school plain kind, like Golden Flake makes. I will scarf them until they are gone, no matter how many I start with.

Cute Little Sassy Blondes With Southern Accents - Like this one. Or the one I married.

Oreos - Especially the chocolate filled ones. Yummy.

Dark, Sultry Latin/Mediterranean Women - Exhibit A. The opposite of the blondes above, so I guess that makes sense.

The Internet - Blogs, news sites, geek sites, chat, games, it goes on and on. The nice thing is that overdoing it doesn't lead to hangovers, weight gain, or lawyers.

Callipygian Women - Look it up if you don't know what it means. And by "beautifully proportioned", I mean big. And round. Combine this with one of the other weaknesses above and you've got Trouble. With a capital T. As in boo-T. If you're in search of, just sign up and wait for the calls to roll in. Or, you can test your skills here, but for the love of J-Lo, turn down your sound first! It's loud and annoying.

Please try to use this knowledge for good. As in, send me some BBQ chips and some pics of your fine Italian badonkadonk. Or put your damn web site back up if you happen to be a sassy lil blonde with a Southern accent.|||108051381286828856|||3/28/2004 04:22:00 PM|||Skillzy|||Tired of Mozilla Phoenix/Firebird/Firefox's names always changing? Or just really bored? The Firesomething extension allows you to make the browser title bar name anything you want. I'm currently blogging in a Skillzy P0rncow® browser window.|||108051254816298013|||3/28/2004 01:04:00 PM|||Skillzy|||Well, the state of Alabama's week-long reign as a hoops powerhouse ended this weekend. Meanwhile, in relative media obscurity, the Auburn Men's Swimming and Diving team won their second consecutive National Championship. The women won their third straight last week. Auburn's swim coach has now won more NCAA national championships than (reverent silence) The Bear.|||108050068306201503|||3/27/2004 07:53:00 AM|||Skillzy|||


************WMD FOUND************

Upon arriving in Birmingham yesterday, I was shocked to discover a clearly marked WMD in the baggage claim area. It got worse when I realized that the WMD was MY OWN BAG! How can I trust the TSA and Homeland Security when I'm allowed to lug a WMD all over Florida without being caught, without even a question? It's very disconcerting. I was in a hurry, so I didn't take the time to point out this problem to authorities. I calmed down until this morning, when it hit me like a bolt of lightning - *I* AM A WMD! It's very upsetting, I'll probably turn myself in Monday morning.|||108039573595089697|||3/25/2004 08:25:00 AM|||Skillzy|||Learned a new drink last night. I was at Briny's Irish Pub, across the street from the hotel, and I noticed these two girls dropping shot glasses into pints of Guiness and downing them. Intrigued, I wandered over to ask what the hell that was. They informed me it was a Car Bomb (Irish terrorist humor, haha). The shot glass is half Jameson whiskey and half Bailey's Irish Cream - seems like a way to ruin a perfectly good pint of stout to me, but it doesn't violate the three ingredient rule. Unfortunately, the girls declined my request for a picture for this article. Hoochies.|||108022509178778722|||3/24/2004 01:40:00 PM|||Skillzy|||Last night I was driving around Tampa with a co-worker when 98 Rock had a trivia question about the average woman. I nailed it, but unfortunately we didn't get through in time to win the Lightning hockey tickets. The question was:

The average woman is 5 feet 4 inches tall. What does the average woman weigh?

Put your guess in the comments and I'll put the answer up tomorrow (or sooner, if someone guesses correctly). No Internet cheating, take your best shot!

UPDATE: The correct answer is a buck forty. Erin and Commissar got it right, Jett claims she would have if I'd let her. Whatevah.|||108015737461175047|||3/24/2004 01:34:00 PM|||Skillzy|||Lookin down on the world famous A1A from my room this afternoon, cause I was too cheap to pay the extra 20 bucks for the ocean view. On the bright side, I plugged in my wireless card and anywhere from two to six open APs showed up. Tonight I'm gonna try to connect from the balcony, because the signal drops constantly here in the room. No sign of spring breakers so far, just a lot of potential hip breakers waddling down the sidewalks.|||108015701954657069|||3/23/2004 05:46:00 AM|||Skillzy|||In the news:

Even though the former Soviet Union is no more, the Russian Navy can still strike fear into foes and friends alike.

The state of Alabama is now a hoops hotbed. Suck it, North Carolina and Indiana! This "hotbed" doesn't extend down to Auburn, unfortunately - they're looking at the possibility of NCAA trouble despite being teh suck this season.

Speaking of sucking it, the Ay-rabs are kinda pissed about Israel playing hide the missle with that Hamas guy. They feel that targets should be limited to women and children, rather than the people actually participating in the conflict. Allah is all over it, so go there for your updates and gross pictures.|||108004240372804550|||3/22/2004 06:01:00 AM|||Skillzy|||Made it to Florida yesterday. I'll be hitting all the spring break hot spots like the fish stick factory, the concrete pipe mill, and maybe a gravel pit or two. Be jealous! And have a good Monday.|||107995707254104441|||3/22/2004 05:54:00 AM|||Skillzy|||

Take the What type of blahblah are you? quiz at sugarmama.org!