UPDATE: If this is an April Fool's Joke, I'll be telling Google to kiss my ass real soon.|||108078469951732340|||
At the risk of empowering my many enemies, here's a quick list of things that I am unable to resist, things that hold me under their spell so strongly that I lose all control around them:
Barbecue Potato Chips - the old-school plain kind, like Golden Flake makes. I will scarf them until they are gone, no matter how many I start with.
Cute Little Sassy Blondes With Southern Accents - Like this one. Or the one I married.
Oreos - Especially the chocolate filled ones. Yummy.
Dark, Sultry Latin/Mediterranean Women - Exhibit A. The opposite of the blondes above, so I guess that makes sense.
The Internet - Blogs, news sites, geek sites, chat, games, it goes on and on. The nice thing is that overdoing it doesn't lead to hangovers, weight gain, or lawyers.
Callipygian Women - Look it up if you don't know what it means. And by "beautifully proportioned", I mean big. And round. Combine this with one of the other weaknesses above and you've got Trouble. With a capital T. As in boo-T. If you're in search of, just sign up and wait for the calls to roll in. Or, you can test your skills here, but for the love of J-Lo, turn down your sound first! It's loud and annoying.
Please try to use this knowledge for good. As in, send me some BBQ chips and some pics of your fine Italian badonkadonk. Or put your damn web site back up if you happen to be a sassy lil blonde with a Southern accent.|||108051381286828856|||
***BREAKING - EXCLUSIVE - MUST CREDIT SKILLZY***
************WMD FOUND************
Upon arriving in Birmingham yesterday, I was shocked to discover a clearly marked WMD in the baggage claim area. It got worse when I realized that the WMD was MY OWN BAG! How can I trust the TSA and Homeland Security when I'm allowed to lug a WMD all over Florida without being caught, without even a question? It's very disconcerting. I was in a hurry, so I didn't take the time to point out this problem to authorities. I calmed down until this morning, when it hit me like a bolt of lightning - *I* AM A WMD! It's very upsetting, I'll probably turn myself in Monday morning.|||108039573595089697|||
The average woman is 5 feet 4 inches tall. What does the average woman weigh?
Put your guess in the comments and I'll put the answer up tomorrow (or sooner, if someone guesses correctly). No Internet cheating, take your best shot!
UPDATE: The correct answer is a buck forty. Erin and Commissar got it right, Jett claims she would have if I'd let her. Whatevah.|||108015737461175047|||
Even though the former Soviet Union is no more, the Russian Navy can still strike fear into foes and friends alike.
The state of Alabama is now a hoops hotbed. Suck it, North Carolina and Indiana! This "hotbed" doesn't extend down to Auburn, unfortunately - they're looking at the possibility of NCAA trouble despite being teh suck this season.
Speaking of sucking it, the Ay-rabs are kinda pissed about Israel playing hide the missle with that Hamas guy. They feel that targets should be limited to women and children, rather than the people actually participating in the conflict. Allah is all over it, so go there for your updates and gross pictures.|||108004240372804550|||
Take the What type of blahblah are you? quiz at sugarmama.org!
This is my niece, Molly the Cigar Store Dog, sitting in her favorite chair at the store. She's well behaved, not neurotic (usually), and she doesn't eat her own poop. Today I had a long talk with her about developing some bad habits so that I could write about her more often in my blog. Her response was to raise an eyebrow and return to her nap. She's one laid back bitch. I'll be running the store next Saturday (without her), so drop me a line if you wanna come hang out and need some directions.|||107983860415772469|||
Have a Bo-Day-Shus retirement, Mojo.
Witty Worm trashes thousands of computers running Black Ice firewalls. I used to run Black Ice before I got my Linksys router.
Got some search hits from people looking for nekkid Linda Cardellini pics. Hey, if you find any, let me know. As long as she's not wearing the Velma hair and glasses from Scooby Doo.|||107983817912668341|||
OK I guess some things are worse than gay marriage.
JJ Jackson, one of the original MTV veejays, died this week. I didn't realize he was 62, I must be getting old.
The guv was right to veto this bill. Homemade corn likker should be the only option when it comes to an official state whiskey.
And finally, I can't find a link about it, but there was a fire at Vulcan Asphalt yesterday. Say that out loud for me. And have a great Vulcan weekend!|||107970162856831522|||
Are you in the GeoURL database yet? It's pretty neat, you find out your location (latitude and longitude) and put them in a meta tag in your page, and then other people can find you and see who's near you. Make sure you make the longitude negative if you live here in the US, otherwise you'll show up in Asia. If you're like Sugarmama and afraid I'll show up on your doorstep, you can always fudge the location (I'm using Vulcan, feel free to join me). The coolest part of the whole process was playing around with the Acme Mapper. The satellite photos are amazing, and it's fun to figure out where you are and where the landmarks are. I had to find the airport and work my way south in my Vulcan search.
Click the button above to see the blogs near me, er, near the Iron Man. GeoURL seems to currently be dominated by DeviantArt users, it's kinda like the way the Deanie babies took over Meetup. I'm assuming DeviantArt puts in the GeoURL info for you. Soon all bloggers will be pins on the GeoURL map. Happy stalking!|||107966828548283174|||
Got a hit today from someone using GeoURL (more on that above) to see who's close to Jeremy Flint, a fellow Birmingham blogger. He's one of those creative types that actually goes to SXSW, so his site is pretty to look at. What caught my eye is that he's a fan of Firefox (can I get an amen?) and he just started using WordPress (I'm making the move sometime soon, gotta get motivated). Being from the Magic City completes the trifecta. Hmmm, maybe he'll give me some tips on prettying up my ugly-ass layout - I need a makeover. I can pay you in cigars, salsa, or undying gratitude, your pick. Go check him out!|||107966691397505212|||
Perdomo La Tradicion Cabinet Reserve 'X'
Made In: Esteli, Nicaragua
Size: 7 x 50 Torpedo
Wrapper: Cameroon
Filler: Nicaraguan
Construction
Very well-made cigar. It burned evenly and the draw was perfect. Perdomo machine checks every cigar that they make to ensure a good draw, and the system works. The roll was firm and even throughout, with no squishy or hard spots noted. The dark, slightly oily wrapper was supple and held up well.
Flavor & Strength
I'll confess that most Nicaraguan cigars that I've tried have had a strong oaky, astringent component to the flavor that I didn't like. This one didn't. I don't know how much was due to the wrapper, but this one was nicely balanced, the smoke was nutty with a good bit of spice. Very good overall. The flavor masked some of the strength I think - I rated it Medium strength originally, but I think it was closer to Full.
Overall Impression
The last taste test I did was in 1997, and it is amazing how much better cigars in general are today than they were back then. Just my opinion, but I think that the best cigars in the world now come from the Dominican Republic and Nicaragua, not from Cuba. This is a very good torpedo, comparable to my current favorite Cameroon, the CAO L'Anniversaire Series. Interestingly enough, the CAOs are made by Perdomo under contract, which may explain some of the similarity. I'd recommend this cigar IF you've been smoking a while and like a fairly strong smoke - enjoy one after a big meal. I wouldn't recommend it for beginners or people who prefer milder cigars. |||107938803394167034|||
A while back, Sugarmama turned me onto this really good salsa called Jack's Special. I don't spend my day fantasizing about it like she does, but I like it. It's fresh, and comes in a little plastic tub in the refrigerated part of the deli section. I usually get it at the Wal-Mart with some of those little scooper Tostitos. Good stuff.
Anyway, yesterday I went and got some groceries at the Winn-Dixie cause it's way easier to get in and out of than Wal-Mart, and I was only buying a few things. They didn't carry Jack's, so I bought some Rojo's Medium. Hey, it looked like Jack's, maybe it tastes the same. WRONG! I think it's the tomatoes they use, but that stuff tastes like ass. Do not be fooled, settle for nothing less than the real thing.|||107938683391852490|||
Appetizer
My Very Own War Eagle Wings - with orange habanero sauce and blue tortilla strips
Knobby's Steak and Kidney Pie - just like yer mum used to buy at the takeaway
Soup
The Commissar's Vodka Venison Borscht - garnished with turnips
Salad
Hot Abercrombie Chicken Salad - so pretty, who cares what's in it?
Diversionz Corn-Fed Steak Salad - too much for one sitting!
Sandwiches
Mookie's New York Pastrami on Rye - stacked with meaty goodness!
Allah's Last Meal Gyro - with extra goat - Mullah approved
Entrees
Sugarmama's Deep Fried Chicken Legs - someone's been to the tanning bed!
Boostay's Pennsylvania Dutch Pork Chops with Sauerkraut - better than sex, ja?
Jett's Saucy Memphis Ribs - try not to drool on the table, please
Do your part to make every day Eat An Animal Day!|||107935784579878934|||
While I'm on the subject, the Houston Chronicle has a nice article on Firefox. So you don't just have to take my word for it. Get with the program, people!|||107927387369116169|||
Per the Commissar's diktat, I have now taken the 30 seconds required to set up an RSS feed for the times (link is down by the mail me link). Eating own dog food is khorosho, no? Now I'll tell you some more about the RSS Reader extension for Firefox, which you should be using, if you're the least bit cool.
Why I like it: for one, it's designed to integrate with Firefox, which is the only browser you should be using, except for crappy sites made to work only with IE. Second, it's a very small install (26kb), and is very minimal, no extra crap to get in the way. Third, it's very easy to pull it up and drop it out (just press Alt+R). A plus that may be a downside for others is that it doesn't come with 3000 preinstalled feeds. You have to go out and get the links for the feeds you want to see.
Quick RSS Reader Tutorial - You have Firefox installed, right? Good. Once it's installed all you have to do is click on the proper link on the RSS reader page, and it will download and install the extension. Easy! Restart Firefox and go to Bookmarks | Manage Bookmarks and create a folder for RSS feeds (I called mine RSS Feeds - crafty, huh?). Once the folder is there, go to Tools | Options and click on the Extensions button. Click on RSS Reader, then click on the Options button and select the folder you just made for the RSS List Folder - that's all you have to set and you're ready to go!
So you click Alt+R and two empty panes pop up on the left. Big whoop. Patience, grasshopper! Find the RSS link on your favorite site (mine, for instance), then right click it and click Bookmark This Link. Be sure to save the bookmark in your RSS folder. If you picked right, the name will appear in the top RSS Reader pane. Click on it, and a summary of the past few posts should magically appear in the lower pane!
I did have one problem with the initial setup. For some reason, the first bookmarks that I made via the Tools | Manage RSS List window somehow ended up in the root Bookmarks folder, and not the RSS Feeds folder. Once I dragged the links into the proper folder, everything worked fine, including adding new links.
UPDATE - The RSS feeds from Blogger people sorta work kinda. You can see the headlines and intros in the RSS Reader pane, but when you click on one you get an error message instead of going to the post. I'll try to get an answer out of Blogger. Intercontinental ballistic salute to the Commissar for pointing out this problem.|||107904575687386646|||
1. Drowning Pool - Let the Bodies Hit the Floor
2. MC Chris - Robotussin (what the hell? where did that come from?)
3. The Smiths - Girlfriend in a Coma
4. Blink 182 - What's My Age Again?
5. Devo - Girl U Want (Tank Girl version)
6. The Specials - Pressure Drop
7. Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper - Stuffin' Martha's Muffin (that's Martha Quinn, not Martha Stewart)
8. Madness - Our House (as seen on The Young Ones)
9. The Beat Farmers - California Kid (I know this one and Happy Boy by heart)
10. The Specials - A Message to You, Rudy (not sure why I ended up with two Specials songs)
It was fun digging through the songs, I like the new Winamp. I don't have that many mp3's, one of these days I'm gonna eat up some bandwidth and get Mookie to send me a couple of gigabytes of musical goodness.|||107888846494983715|||
Oh, and look for people to start posting their iRank soon, and figuring out ways to pump it up. Assuming HP makes it available to the public.|||107850227965514304|||
* * * * FLASH - BREAKING... * * * *
COMING TOMORROW - A HARD TIMES EXCLUSIVE
READ THE INTERVIEW PEPSI DOESN'T WANT YOU TO SEE!!
The weather here has been awesome this week, and spring fever has hit Sugarmama pretty hard. She's tired of being "level-headed" and wants to do something crazy to break out of the winter funk and spice up her "sensible" page. I've come up with a few good ideas, most of which involve showing some skin. But hey, she started it. Hmm...I have just enough booze to make a batch of my famous passed-out-in-your-boxers-in-two-hours margaritas (see recipe below). Toga party, anyone?
Skillzy's Passed-out-in-your-boxers-in-two-hours Margaritas
Equal parts sugar, water, lime juice, Jose Cuervo tequila, and Grand Marnier - a cup or two of each works nicely
Mix water and sugar in a saucepan and heat until you've made a simple syrup. Add to other ingredients and mix well. Blend with lots of ice in the Mixmaster, and serve in a salt-rimmed glass. Lime optional.
Make sure you have a place for everyone to crash,
UPDATE: Sugah's really losing it now, she's started trolling herself. On the bright side, it looks like me and her and Jett are gonna have some kind of hippie commune weekend out in the woods. We're gonna need one of these, and they cost like 400 bucks, so someone needs to get busy working at the strip club to get us some blender money.|||107837079639533976|||
Last week I mentioned a job possibility that would have presented a dilemma for me. Because it had been a while since I had dealt with a
Got an e-mail from a guy with an "urgent need" for someone. Replied with my resume.
Got a call the next day from a kid in Seattle who obviously had no clue what the job entailed. We discussed money and how quickly I could start.
Got an e-mail detailing pay options (benefits or no benefits). Replied and asked the guy to call me back because I had a lot of questions about the job.
Silence.
Tried to call the guy 2 days later, got the voice mail dodge.
Silence.
Realized that it wasn't gonna happen, wrote this post.
I figure either they found someone else, or the guy that I'd be working for looked at my resume and said, "no, this isn't the guy, keep looking". Either way, a call or a Dear John e-mail would have been nice. If I was a kid right out of school, or someone who was out of work right now, or if I hadn't danced this dance a few times before, I'd be going nuts right now. The guy running the drive through at the local McDonald's has more professionalism than most of the recruiters that I've run into. Youth and inexperience are no excuse for being a dumbass, people.|||107832180813047571|||
Has she got a husband? Very doubtful, that would just be dumb.
Has "she" got a penis? Hmmm, probably not. If so, she has a hell of a plastic surgeon and makeup person.
Has she already got a fiance or a lesbian lover? Maybe, the lesbian lover thing would be a great segue to a new show.
I'm guessin that her big secret is that she is too emotionally vulnerable to make a commitment or something goofy like that. Maybe she's going to become a nun. The whole reason that they need a "big secret" is that everyone knows there's no way she's hooking up with that Yankee dork from New Hampsha or wherever it is. It's either the pretty boy or nobody. Us real life "average joes" knew that from the get-go.
UPDATE: Yes, she picked the pretty boy. It was kinda painful to watch, cause Brian the poor Yankee took her to Fenway - she's ruined the Red Sox for him forever. They let this guy think he was gonna win the geek lottery, then said "you know what, you probably deserve this, but we're gonna give it to surfer boy over there" and tore up his ticket.
The "big secret" was hilarious, though. Once Miss Hottie and Pretty Boy got to Mexico, she broke the news that she used to be hot and heavy with Fabio. That's right, Fabio. And shocker of shockers, Mr. Shallow got pissed off and left her. I was crackin up. She could've picked any of the average guys and said, "oh by the way, I made some porn films with Dennis Rodman" and they would've said "that's nice dear, you look stunning tonight".|||107818953064635833|||
Don't you just love it when the winter's gone
and all of a sudden it starts gettin warm;
birds be singin,
flowers be bloomin,
lots of brand new cars be zoomin
-Biz Markie
(annoying gif stolen from a LiveJournal user)|||107815450994779201|||