According to this, bloggers are a rare breed. I assume that the "hype" that they refer to is all the melodrama and buzz within the blogging community.
Back in the mid-90's, I ran across what I consider to be the "original" weblog. I'd access the web via GNN and there was this site called "Mirsky's Worst of the Web", or WOTW as it was commonly known. It was a daily (or weekly, or monthly, depending on Mirsky's mood) link to a web page that was either horribly ugly, badly written, or just plain weird. After a couple of years he got tired of it and quit. Mind you, this was way before Google and Yahoo.
In late 2000 I saw a TV news story about Blogger. A few months later, I finally got around to launching the times on geocities - it was a great solution at the time. About a year later, they turned into complete bastards and the times went on hiatus. I stayed away for a while, but got back in the saddle later in the year with this fine mess you are gawking at. If I had known about Movable Type back then, I probably would have tried it out, but it didn't really get popular till later, and it would have been a pain, so I missed out on my chance to be a cool kid.
The reason that I started blogging was to have a web site that made people laugh. Blogger just made it easier to create and update my little funny place on the web. Why do you do it? To work on your writing skills? To push your political agenda? To share your life with the world? To sell mugs and t-shirts? According to a recent comment, Commissar blogs to get Trackbacks. He was kidding. I think.|||107810287035007227|||
AAARRGGHHH! I told you that we'd be hearing from Rosie on this gay wedding crap. Thanks a lot, Mr. President! Just when we'd gotten rid of her, too! Here's her (NSFW) gift registry.
Third grader suspended for bringing a gun to school. Did I mention it was a toy gun? Oh, and did I mention it was a tiny little GI Joe sized toy gun? Zero tolerance or zero common sense? Apparently he was brandishing it menacingly. At least as menacing as you can get with something the size of a quarter. UPDATE: The school people finally came to their senses, three days too late.|||107782753752104141|||
Tuesday Tidbits:
I have a friend in Louisiana with a new picturephone who sent me pictures from Mardi Gras celebrations all day, including the one above. No boobies, though - sorry. It looked kinda gloomy down there.
Not only is it Fat Tuesday, I also found out late in the day that it's Grey Tuesday. I actually downloaded the Grey Album last week (yay BitTorrent) and gave it a listen. It was interesting, but I'm just not a big Jay-Z fan. I can hear people talk shit without paying for a CD.
W took advantage of the slow news day to announce that he either hates gays or loves Jesus, depending on your point of view. Sugarmama and A Small Victory got some discussion going.|||107767429976355661|||
Most bloggers love to get hits and links, unless you happen to have a blog where you confess all your crimes and deviant behaviors that you had hoped to keep secret. We like that positive measure that shows "you like me, you really like me", whether it's because we said something funny, or gave a new perspective on things to someone, or maybe they just like the colors we used. In the (ugh) "blogosphere", hits equal popularity, and linkage equals legitimacy. Today, the Commissar addressed the "gimmicks" that one might use to pump up your hits, and the (ahem) "blogwar" that erupted over an item that was funny to some, and blatant link whorage to others. Here's some ways to pump up your volume, including one that I just don't get:
Google - This one's easy, just put "Paris Hilton sex video" in a post. I'm done! You'll get lots of hits from people who are pissed off that the video's not here. Send them to bangedup.com.
Comments - My personal favorite, but make sure you have something to add to the discussion. If you do, someone might read what you say and be compelled to check out your little corner of the net. Of course, this assumes that you put your name and URL in the comments.
Link Swaps - I've never been a big fan of this one. You add a link to someone's blog, and send them a note saying' "Hey I linked you, link me back!". If I find a blog I like (and I'm not too lazy that day), I'll put up a link. I figure that at some point the times will show up in their stats, and if after checking it out they like it, they'll link it.
Trackbacks - Unless someone can show me a useful purpose for these, you'll never see me use them. The trackbacker uses these to say "Look buddy - I linked you!", and the trackbackee can show how many people linked to the post. Wouldn't it make more sense for you to see traffic from me linking you? If I don't generate any, maybe I'm the whale poop at the bottom of the "ecosystem", and you don't want me showing up on your Trackbacks. I'm pretty sure that a Trackback circle jerk of 15 blogs or so would own Google. Everybody just Trackback to every post on everyone else's blog. Advance your agenda!
That's all for tonight. My advice is to focus on your art, not on who's looking at it. If you still need the reassurance of linkage, I can be bought. I prefer cigars, Jack Daniel's, or, if you're a female, nekkid photos. Play nice!|||107759678108239346|||
I got a check in the mail today - my cut of the "Compact Disc Minimum Advertised Price Antitrust Litigation". A whopping $13.86! The cool part is that it came with a letter from the Attorney General of Alabama, Bill Pryor. He's the same Bill Pryor that W snuck onto the 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals last week. Good luck on the bench, and thanks for the cash!|||107759370348687762|||
In the summer of 1972, I was a carefree kid in Montgomery, Alabama, spending my time running around in the woods behind my house, and soaking up the hot Alabama sun. Unbeknownst to me at the time, this guy from Texas named George Bush Jr. was in town that summer to help Red Blount run for Senate. He was also temporarily attached to the Air National Guard Unit at Dannelly Field (I attended Dannelly Elementary School - I still don't know who this Dannelly guy is).
Lieutenant Bush's commanding officer was General William Turnipseed. General Turnipseed's admin officer was Kenneth Lott. Kenneth Lott lived about six houses up the street from me, and has a son my age who was a good friend of mine growing up. Turnipseed and Lott have no recollection of that guy who spent a few months in their unit over 31 years ago.
Now the times has never been political, and I'm not gonna start now. We try to be about the funny here. But what strikes me as funny is that anyone believes that people are gonna remember who they were in the Guard with for a few months in 1972. I spent parts of 1989 and 1990 in the Naval Reserve in Columbus, Georgia, and I couldn't name one person I served with there. And you probably wouldn't find anyone that remembers me. And if there was a slacker running the paperwork then or at any point afterwards, there may be no record of my being there. Anyone who has spent any time in the military knows that the paperwork is a joke. They spend way more on making sure that missles hit their targets and ships don't get lost than they do on personnel recordkeeping.
Now the years (84-88) I spent on a submarine is another story. I probably remember 30 or 40 of the 300 plus people who were on the boat at some point during that time. There was Doc (who was a mechanic, not a medic), and Stoop, and Junior, and Killer, and Squatty, and the Penguin, and Prep, and Lou, and Fleck, and many, many more. We were big on nicknames. But there were also a ton of guys who I probably wouldn't be able to identify from a photo if my life depended on it.
So basically, all you lefty blogs out there need to find something else to harp on. I imagine they teach this at those liberal arts institutions you attended, but if you missed out on science class, you cannot prove a theory by pointing to a lack of evidence to the contrary. And serving in the military, no matter what you did, or how spotty your record is, is not "draft dodging". Not any more than running off to Oxford to smoke dope and score some European tail is.|||107737674834695605|||
This guy stole some of my best moves, and he will be hearing from my lawyers. He should be a juicy target for litigation, what with his fan sites and porn star name and all.|||107737193097376757|||
The Viagra Prank had me giggling like a maniac at my desk yesterday. That's why it's not safe for work.
Having never heard of fecal tongs before seeing this page, I tried to find a little more information. All that Google returned was links back to the "collection" page. Does anyone else smell a hoax?|||107737098739406374|||
Don't shake it like a Polaroid picksha. Maybe you should shake it like a Yoo-Hoo.
Mookie is back from an eventful server overhaul. No return of Jett yet, she seems to be waffling.
I got Lost in Translation on DVD for Valentine's Day, good movie. The girl in it spends around 40% of the movie in her panties, about the same amount of time Annette Bening spent nekkid in The Grifters. She has a nice butt, so it's all good.|||107704062174109653|||
Valentine's Day is upon is, and since I don't have a good Valentine's story, I thought I'd share part of an anniversary gift I gave a couple of years ago:
On this momentous occasion, our eleventh wedding anniversary, I’d like to say thanks-
Thanks for letting me into your life, and coming into mine.
Thanks for accepting me as I am, not how you'd like me to be, I know it's hard sometimes.
Thanks for bringing joy and happiness into my life, and for letting me return the favor.
Thanks for reminding me each and every day that I am loved, and loveable. I am so very lucky to receive that love, I hope that you feel it being returned, I wish I was half as good at it as you are.
Thanks for not giving up and walking away when the times got tough, I know that there were times when things seemed hopeless, but you hung in there, and I’m so glad you did.
Thanks for being my friend, lover, confidante, maid, drinking buddy, sex kitten, accountant, designated driver, snuggle bunny, dose of reality, nurse, babies’ momma, sounding board, event coordinator, fantasy girl, interior decorator, spiritual advisor, personal shopper, and sidekick. But thanks mostly for being the light of my life, and the reason I get up every day.
Basically, I just wanted to say thanks. You are an incredible lady, and I look forward to many more incredible years. I love you more than any words could ever describe, and I hope that you never forget that.
We spent the weekend in a nice old hotel in downtown Charlotte, and it was probably the best anniversary we've had so far. We went to a Panthers preseason game, we wined and dined, we made love in a conference room on the 26th floor of a skyscraper, high above the city. We laughed a lot, we talked a lot, we created some happy memories.
Then, ten short days later, the world changed. Much larger events took over our old lives, and they never really gave them back. I believe we'll get them back one day, though. I have to believe that.|||107664203684746420|||
Hey honey,
This is the tickets I told you about for the Get-A-Way for Two.
Let me know if you want me to buy a ticket.
Love Ya!!
Send back an e-mail with your answer.
She then went on to give me her name, place of employment, phone number, and fax number, and a forwarded e-mail describing a raffle for a romantic Valentine's Day getaway in Savannah, Georgia. I was really torn as to what to do...should I forward it to my wife and see if she'll let me go? Should I ask the sender for a picture before I commit to a romantic getaway? After all, Savannah is pretty, and the package includes a carriage ride!|||107659254598124174|||
My baby sister had a really bad ear infection over the holidays. That's one of the joys of parenthood, the tykes bring home all sorts of genetically modified germs to mess you up. They finally had to put a tube in one of her ears - I thought they only did that to little kids. The first two didn't stay in, so they ended up putting in a permanent tube. What she failed to tell the doc was why the first two worked their way out.
See, my sister, who's a grown woman and over 30 years old, figured out that if she pinched her nose, closed her mouth, and blew out like you do to clear your ears, she could make her ear whistle. So of course she did it every chance she got. Naturally, my other sister and I were incredibly jealous.|||107625271393690171|||
"Dear` YAHOO C|ient,
_This_ _email_ !nform You That _your_ YAHO0 user_id (hardskillz@yahoo.com)
will be Blocked after* 29 DAYS (@S @FTER autoomateed reegisttration) 1f _you_ wil|
_not_ _signup_ on YAHOO! wh1te l1st (to s!gn up - click Here: http://Hardskillz.yahoo.com/)
This is D0NE beecause we` update now` YAHOO! not autoomateed reegistered IDs.
EYm6vjUjgXaZUAt"
I'm sorry, but if someone's dumb enough to click on that and send in their info, they probably deserve to have their shit stolen. I especially like the 1337speak like "wh1te" and "@fter" - I'm not sure if that's to fool spam filters or if they just normally sp311 L1k3 7h@7.|||107616021898363999|||
-Set up a web server with MySQL, and PHP. Create a new database for WordPress (I called mine wordpress), and create a directory in your web server root directory (/var/www/wp on my machine). Set up a new user (NOT root!) and give that user full control of the wordpress database.
-Download WordPress, and unpack the files in the web directory that you created.
-Rename the wp-config-sample.php file to wp-config.php and edit it to reflect your database name and user settings. Then run the script that populates the database (install.php). You'll get a password that you need to write down.
-It should be ready to roll, you can go to wp-login.php, log into WordPress, and set up your options, templates, etc. and begin posting.
Exciting stuff, huh? Overall, it wasn't too bad - my main gripe would be the lack of documentation, but they're working on that, and once it's installed, everything is intuitive enough that you can get by. If all else fails, they have a support forum on the website.
Now to work on the look. I downloaded and installed a new CSS style from Alex King's page, and was impressed by how easy it is to change the look of the site using CSS. The hard part's gonna be tweaking the look to something I like, armed only with my weak artistic skills and poor sense of style. I can't promise better, but I can promise different.
UPDATE: Found this CSS tutorial specifically for WordPress - that should come in handy! |||107611171417433496|||
Recently, there was an interesting skirmish on the Internet (no, not that one). The opening shot was fired from Kuro5hin by some guy named James A C Joyce (so we won't get him confused with the dead Irishman, I presume). Return volleys were quickly launched from Wizbang and the Commissar (who's damn funny for a Commie bastard, by the way), and it was "on like a chicken bone" as we say down here in inbred asshole country. Since I'm not a MovableType user, and not a Kuro5hin reader, maybe I can provide an impartial appraisal of the hoohah.
Mr. Joyce's original article journeys through the gray area between a rant, humor, and a troll. And naturally, how you see it depends on your point of view. If your ex-girlfriend uses MT to tell the world what a dick you are, you'll think that stuff is hilarious. If you're a latte drinker employed in a tertiary industry (whatever the hell that is) but uses Linux, you may not enjoy being bunched in with the iMac users. And if you're a Movable Type Evangelist, who preaches to everyone who will listen how this program changed your life, you'll naturally see this as a poke in the eye, and you'll want to poke back.
Like most humorous trolling rants, I could spend about 5 minutes with this framework and make it into the opening shot of a Windows vs. Linux, Christian vs. Pagan, Monkey vs. Robot, or whatever-you-want-it-to-be battle royale. Mr. Aylward proved this with his retort to the original material, adeptly turning the arguments around to poke fun at community sites like Kuro5hin and Slashdot. Of course, Mr. Joyce and some of his comrades rushed to defend their original points in the comments and the prototypical "nuh-uh, uh-huh!" tug of war was on. This is a side effect of the interactive Internet - one person offers his opinion on an operating system, or a NASCAR driver, then someone offers their opinion and tells why the other opinion sucks, then everyone takes sides and opens fire. The problem with this is that no one ever really wins, and less than 1% of what comes after has any actual value. Even though it's usually wrapped in big, obtuse sentences and peppered with pseudo-scientific arguments, it's really just a longer version of "Loser! Bigger Loser! Booger Head! Ass Munch! Weener! Poopy Butt!". It can go on forever. If you're one of those people who live to piss people off and start fights, blog comments and message boards are your best friends.
Why do people do this? Well, there are the aforementioned flame warriors, but it's human nature to become attached to the things in your life, whether it's your brand of car, or your favorite show, or what you put on your website. And thanks to the Internet, we can seek out people who think like we do - fellow code monkeys, or square dancers, or fans of someone's weblog - and feel like part of a little family. And when we feel like someone is making fun of our little world, or threatening it, of course we're gonna get all emotional and jump into the fray. I say we because I've jumped into my share. I'd like to say that I'm above all that, but it's easy to get sucked in if you're not careful. Especially if you're a smartass. With a quick clicking finger.
If you've read this far, I guess I owe you a point. The point of all this is so what if people use MT, or iMacs, or Windoze. So what if they like Pepsi, or Jeffy Gordon (shudder)? There has never been a more useful tool in the history of the world than the Internet. Need a recipe for meatloaf? Here ya go. Got a glitch in your Apache configuration? Try this. Your cat has worms? Tell the world about it. Forums, community sites, and weblogs are a resource to be cherished. It's a big, FREE, Internet out there, and everyone is entitled to their space in it. Even misguided morons who are so full of themselves that they make you shake with anger. And even people who listen to Yanni.
P.S. - By the way, Commissar, that "Pre10tious" thing? Pure fuckin gold, comrade.|||107608900511367646|||
I saw the picture above in the news this morning and had flashbacks of my first trip to China. Having never been to Asia before, I knew I was in for a new experience, but I really wasn't prepared for that first couple of days. I was working for an American company that had set up an operation in Guangzhou, and we had to take a bus ride to and from the factory from the hotel. It was about an hour of bumpy pavement, honking horns, and smog. The roads were more like a river of people and vehicles flowing along, squeezing in wherever there was an inch of space. Cars, buses, trucks, bicycles, oxcarts, you name it, they were all making their way down the streets. Because of the crowding, motorcycles were usually the vehicle of choice for making deliveries.
It was my first morning there and we were about 30 minutes into the trip, when I happened to glance out the window at a motorcycle passing us. There, on the back, was strapped two pig carcasses, headed to some restaurant. Thanks to that visual of dinner splashing along through the filthy gutters and diesel fumes, I was able to lose several pounds that first week there. I just psyched myself out. Now I'm not a picky eater, and I know that American food processing has its drawbacks too. But like most Americans, I'm blissfully unaware of them as long as you don't parade those drawbacks out in the street in plain view.|||107608044789969012|||
Last weekend, I attended my first ball. Not a debutante ball, just a ball. I'd tell you the name of the one I went to, but I don't wanna get Googled and cause a scandal. Apparently people are invited and "join" the ball, kind of like the Kiwanis or Masons or something. Members pay annual dues, which are used to throw one big party in the winter. I think this is something left over from the Old South, it's bigger in cities like Montgomery and Savannah and Jackson, Mississippi. It was going on in Montgomery when I was growing up there, but I was completely unaware of it. You won't find many cops or church secretaries in the Social Register.
Anyway, we were invited by my banker in-laws and decided to attend. I procured an ill-fitting, rented, black suit (third-biggest racket after diamonds and college textbooks), and wifey got a dayum shexy little black number for the occasion. After arriving in Montgomery, we had dinner at Lek's Railroad Thai (get it? it's in the old Union Station! funny!), got into our monkey suits, and headed to the function.
When we arrived, it became clear that we had overlooked an important rule of etiquette for this type of social occasion. As P.J. O'Rourke so astutely pointed out in Modern Manners, "...drinking is not really a matter of manners. It is a matter of necessity. Life would be unbearable without liquor." This goes double if you're attending a ball. The first 45 minutes of the ball consist of the tableau. I don't speak much French, so I assume that tableau means "a bunch of corny little skits put on by the womenfolk". Wifey nailed it when she said it reminded her of a dance recital. Only thing is, those recital outfits aren't nearly as cute on grown women who have had a few kids (or grandkids). Luckily, we were seated in bleachers way in the back of the room. Finally, the tableau ended, and they paraded out this year's queen and the dancing started.
And most importantly, they opened the bars.
Once I got a little of the Famous Grouse in me (the bourbon they were serving was almost as bad as Pepsi), things got a lot easier to take. I ran into some old high school friends (oddly enough, no guys, just girls) and tried to catch up with them over the noise of the band they'd hired for the evening, Kid Blue, who were fresh from an appearance at the Opelika Summer Swing Music Festival. They were the typical uptight white people party band, covering lots of old R&B and dance stuff. The highlight of the evening (and one of the last things I remember very well) was running into my high school drama teacher(!). She looked exactly the same as she did many moons ago, she remembered my old nickname, and of course she remembered the pivotal role I played in her production of Guys and Dolls. I can still remember my line - "We've had enough!" The rest of the evening consisted of lots of dancing and more drinking and picture taking. Through careful experimentation, I was able to determine that the amount of fun you have at a ball is directly proportional to the amount of alcohol you've consumed in the previous three hours. Just divide your body weight by fifty, round up, and consume at least that many drinks per hour.
Overall, I'd have to rate the experience somewhere above a church social and below a 3-day shore leave in Brazil. Will I do it again? Probably not, it was a lot of money to blow for what you got out of it. Them socialites was nice people though. For those of you tempted to poke fun at them, maybe you just haven't had enough to drink today.|||107595447716355810|||
As far as hosting, there are tons of options out there, with the majority bunched up at around $8 a month. IPowerweb seemed to have one of the more powerful $8 packages. The cheapest hosting I've found so far (unless you can homebrew a server like Mookie) is doteasy.com. It's $25 a year to buy a domain and they throw in a year of hosting. Thanks to Scott for the info. The front runner for me at this point is bloghosts.com, because they seem to offer a lot of bang for the buck. Their cheapest package is $30/year ($45 with a domain name), and that's for a server with the tools you need to run a blog. They'll even install the blogging software of your choice for you! Allah uses bloghosts - if you haven't seen his Dean-o stuff, go check it out soon!
Speaking of the software, I've decided to stray from my tried and true Blogger/Haloscan matchup and try one of the fancier server-side "weblog management tools". The most popular choice these days seems to be Movable Type. However, during my digging around I stumbled across WordPress, which is probably what I'll be using. WordPress is standards based, uses a PHP/MySQL combo for the back end instead of the CGI scripting used by MT, and supports CSS style sheets so that you can control the site's appearance. Democrats may not like their big W logo, but they can get over it. Just the fact that it's not MT is a big plus for a contrarian like myself.
So now the easiest part is done, I've picked a host and software. Now I'm struggling with how many domains to have, what to name them, what colors to use, making pretty pictures, etc. etc. But I am making progress, so I guess that's a good thing.|||107590348726626237|||
Janet Jackson's boob seems to be the top story today. Was it an accident? Was it on purpose? Should anyone really care? The whole halftime show SUCKED (which should come as no surprise considering that AOL sponsored it and MTV produced it). From P Diddy's aforementioned jinxing of the Panthers, to Kid Rock showing his patriotism by cutting a hole in the American flag and sticking his greasy head through it, to Janet gyrating around with America's favorite gay wigger Justin, the whole thing was a disgrace and detracted from the AWESOME football that was played last night
For some reason, the streaker that interrupted the second half kickoff didn't get as much sensational press. Hats off to that guy, his performance was much more entertaining than what we got at halftime, and was probably better thought out.
By the way, Diversionz has a much more fair and balanced review of the game (plus links to good shots of the streaker and Janet's boobie).|||107572893526040881|||